How Do I Live Without You?
by wolfsblood636
Summary: songfic about two of my characters


**"HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU?"**

**A SONGFIC **

**The characters in this are completely owned by me but the song is not. The song belongs to Trisha Yearwood. The best and original singer of this song.**

_How do I get through one life without you?_

_If i had to live without you_

_What kind of life would that be?_

_Oh and I, I need you in my arms_

_Need you to hold_

_You're my world, my heart, my soul_

_If you ever leave baby, _

_You would take away everything good in my life_

He sighed as her scent overwhelmed him. Still she haunted his dreams, his memories, even his fantasies. His beloved medicine cat. It seemed like just a sunrise ago that his forbidden love had left him in that clearing, his heart yowling in pain from the words she had spoken. Words he would never forget. Time. Thats what she had said. Not only had she wanted time but she felt that he would be better off without her. Yet that wasn't to be. Not with him. He loved her too much. Loved her to the point that it broke his heart not being able to be close enough to twine his tail with hers or smell that sweet herbal scent. He needed her too. More than he could ever have imagined and more than he would ever dare to admit. The pain was almost unbearable for the tom. He could barely breathe from the ache and the scent of Pebblefrost which always seemed to be hovering inside his nostrils even when she was nowhere around.

Their love had been forbidden from the start and, no matter what mouse-brained ideas came to his mind, he knew it would always be that way. Not only was she from AirClan while he, Dawnstar, was the leader of EarthClan, she was also a medicine cat The Medicine Cat Code and Warrior Code both stated that medicine cats could have neither kits nor a mate. He knew the code like the fur on his paw. He knew that their love was doomed from the beginning. How could it not be? They were from two completely different worlds.

_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

Dawnstar blinked as he realized where his paws had taken him. Hewas back in that clearing. This was where it all began and where it had ended. The place brought back so many bittersweet memories. Pebblefrost had approached him here one night as he sat, staring up at the stars, doubting StarClan. She had confessed that she had fallen in love with him and, in the pain of losing his mother, he let Pebblefrost comfort him. When she turned to leave he asked her to meet him there again. It was a sudden thing. The two, although in seperate Clans, had almost grown up together in a way. They had talked to each other at gatherings and became close to friends. Then, when he became deputy, they didn't talk as often. He had tried to talk to her at gatherings but everytime she found an excuse not to.

Dawnstar hadn't realized his feeling for Pebblefrost before that meeting in the clearing. Maybe he had been supressing them all this time, maybe he had been completely ignoring them. He realized how he felt for her after that first meeting in the clearing. Their clearing. Never before had a cat made him feel so alive, so young, so loved. Not even his mate, Morningheart, or their kits made him feel near what Pebblefrost did. He knew it was wrong but still, even after Morningheart had kitted, he still saw Pebblefrost. He cared for Morningheart but not in the same way that he cared for Pebblefrost. The love he had for Pebblefrost was a burning aching love. The kind of love built only in time.

_Without you_

_There'd be no sun in my sky_

_There would be no love in my life_

_There's be no world left for me_

_Oh, and I_

_Baby I don't know what I would do_

_I'd be lost if I lost you_

_If you ever leave_

_Baby, you would take away everything_

_Real in my life_

Dawnstar gasped as he saw a flash of gray. He knew it was her. He felt it, deep in his heart. He wondered, though, what she was doing there. Surely she didn't come here because she missed him. He heart soared at the temporary thought but he shook it away. There was no way she had come here looking for him. It had been moons since he had stepped foot here. Six seasons to be exact. He couldn't bear even the thought of coming her after he had his heart cut open by her. Thats how long it had been, six seasons. Although, to him, the wound on his heart was still so raw he felt as if it had only just happened. He often spent time thinking about her wondering if she missed him even half as much as he missed her. He wanted to know if he haunted her nearly as much as the memory of her haunted him.

There was no way it did. After all, she had been the one who had chosen to give up on their love. All he wanted, all he needed was her. He couldn't bear being without her much longer. Already he had turned reckless, recently spending almost an entire moon in his medicine cat's den for injuries he had sustained trying to fight a badger on his own. He had gone looking for trouble that day, anything to get his mind off of her. Anything to stop thinking of her. He turned to leave and found himself staring into deep blue eyes. It was her. Pebblefrost.

_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever ever survive?_

_How do I_

_How do I_

_O how do I live?..._

_Please tell me baby.._

As he stared into her eyes part of him wanted to rub against her and smell that scent he had longed wanted to smell for so long while another part of him wanted her to feel the same pain she had put him through.

"Dawnstar," Pebblefrost mewed softly. "Dawnstar, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I don't need anything. Not time. Nor anything else. I need you. I love you, Dawnstar."

Dawnstar stifled a purr. His eyes turned cold and hard as he thought of the pain she had put him through. He took a step back from the cat he loved and before he knew it words began to come out of his mouth. Words he would regret to the very end.

"Pebblefrost. What we had is gone. I don't love you anymore. I don't think I ever did. It's over between us. It should never have happened. We betrayed our Clans and you betrayed your duty as a medicine cat. I feel nothing for you. I never want to see you again"

With that he turned away from her and ran as fast as he could. He didn't know where he was going. He just knew he had to get away. Had to escape before that pain in his heart, now ten times worse than what it was before, caused him to go back to her. To beg her forgiveness for those harsh words he had just spoken.

_How do I go on?_

_If you ever leave_

_Well baby you would take away everything_

_Need you with me_

_Baby don't you know your everything good in My life_

_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I_

_How do I_

_O how do I live_

Less than a moon had passed since he had said those heart wrenching, hurtful words to the one he loved more than life itself. Now was his chance to beg her forgiveness. To tell her he never meant it. That he had only, for some mouse brained reason, wanted her to feel the pain he had felt.

His eyes searched through the multitude of cats at the gathering for her but she did not see her. He only could find her apprentice, Longpaw. He hung his head in shame. She had stayed at the camp, most likely to avoid him. His ears barely heard what Stonestar, leader of AirClan was reporting until her name caught his ears.

"...and we mourn the loss of our beloved medicine cat, Pebblefrost. She was found three sunrises ago in her den with deathberries scattered around her. Longpaw believes she ate the deathberries herself."

_How do I live without you_

_How do I live without you baby..._

_How do I live..._


End file.
